legacy?

My mom called last night. I could hear the agitation in her voice - she was at my grandparents house taking care of things again. My mom has been the central person in charge of caring for things since Christmas eve, when Grandpa begain his battle with pain. She's been organized and consistent in her presence. however...

She hates my grandmother. This time spent at the farm has "thrown her back to her childhood" - days of caring for an inebriated mother without the support or thanks of her perfectionist father. She resents her role in the family dynamics. She feels left out - unappreciated.

The past few weeks have been hard. My Grandmother has been shaking and anxious to the point of requiring medication. Took her to the doctors early this week, and 3 different anti-anxiety meds were prescribed. She began taking them and was feeling better. Then on Wednesday night, my grandfather was taken to emergency again. This time, it was for a urinary/prostrate problem. My mom and aunt decided to take him without letting my grandmother know. She was asleep - they let her sleep. They were gone all night.

My grandmother hates to be away from grandpa at night. It scares her. When she found that she had slept through another trip to emergency, she was angry and upset. She will no longer take the anti-anxiety medication. My mother wants to throttle her. (From the outside I can see that they created a situation where grandma feels she cannot sleep as she can't trust them to keep her informed - who know what will happen while she sleeps!)

So they are at odds again. My mom feels she has to parent my grandmother, who is stubbornly resisting my mom.

The strangest thing is that I parented my mother. As a child, I was the person subjected to her rants on my father, brother, her suicidal thoughts. My mother admits I was put in this position.

So here we are again. My mother sent back to her childhood dynamics, is dragging me back to my childhood role with her.

Mothers and daughters. I took a long hard look at my relationship with my 2 girls last night. I do not believe I am perpetuating the legacy. Don't want to make the same mistakes. I do not expect them to parent me. I sure hope they don't feel the weight of adult responsibility too soon.

*sigh*