Grandpa

My grandfather is an amazing man. At 92 he still has all his mental faculties and is able to manage, for the most part independently living on his 82 acre farm. His marriage has lasted 67 years (so far) and despite the bickering that has become habit, he and my grandmother remian together.

One of 5 children, he was an industrious sort from the beginning. He was about 8 when he got his first job, and continued working throughtout his life. The poverty of his childhood and through the war years made him thrifty. He still darns the edges of tattered sweaters and uses things until they are well beyond repair. He has the strongest ethical/moral sense of anyone I have ever met. Independent, intelligent and strong. He is most definitely the glue that holds this family together. Neither he nor my grandmother have much education - grade 8 is about as far as either of them went, but he was inately bright - a good business man and worked long, hard hours to accrue what he has today.

My grandparents were a good example of what I wanted to be like. People say I am a blend of them both - my grandfather's calm logica business mind, and my grandmother's endless compassion.

This past few weeks has been trying for all. With Grandpa suffering so much, and Grandma having panic attacks and anxiety, the family is spiralling out of control. My siblings, have been helpful to the degree they can manage, and my Mom and Aunt have been holding down the fort - reluctantly. My Aunt has been experienceing panic attacks, unable to cope with watching her father in such pain, and my mother has been stoic in managing nights, but anxious to have a break and spend some time in her own home. (She is also missing her boyfriend - who is married - thus available sonly sporatically...)

I do not understand these people. If grandpa is unloading the dishwasher in the middle of the night, they all hover around yapping for him to go lie down. I think if he is unloading disher ( as opposed to helping aliens off a UFO), they should let him do what he can do when he is not in pain. Who knows if this is his routine?! Let the man do what he can manage. He is terrified he is dying. The more hovering, the more fearful and stressed. Stress brings on pain attacks! Wouldn't you think he should have some kind of life beyond sitting waiting for anouther bout of pain?

Instead of rallying around, appreciating what each one of us can do, judgement prevails. My sister couldn't come because she was with her boyfriend, "how selfish". My mother does not clean the house. "How lazy!" My aunt can't handle the pain. "How weak!" My grandmother can't stop shaking "What's WRONG woth her?!" Any keep my brother away from the house -there are opiates vailable. "Can we trust him not to take Grandpa's meds?"

AAAAHHHHH. Don't look for sanity here. Can't be found -except in the one man who is suffering most!