again

We are looking to buy a cottage. J and I dropped the kids at camp this morning and ventured north to view a potential place. Its the first time in forever we have done something together other than shop (and I guess we were still shopping - sort of). We had 1 1/2 hours in the car to chat without the usual interruption.

The place was nice. Not right for us, but still nice, and we came away with a clearer idea of what we would like. On the way back, we talked about how strange it is to have to come out every time we are in a new situation. We have kids. They are our kids. Nothing unusual to us in that, but in every new situation, there is always a bit of trepidation that we are walking into a situation of judgement. It's like coming out again and again and again. Out of the city, we are aware that there can be little tolerance for non-traditional families. The poeple we met did not seem to have any issue with us at all, but who knows about the next time...

20 years ago, we had rocks thrown at us on the street in front of a bar. On many occasions, we had to leave a club by the back door as there were people out front who were spoiling for a fight. We've come a long way. But sometimes its hard to forget that stuff.

The kids know nothing of these moments of concern. We live our lives in plain view with no shame. But sometimes, like today, we do acknowledge that there is always a tiny bit of fear in the background.

Canada Day

In our house, Canada Day is the biggest event of the year next to Christmas! We have a tradition of visiting with friends from morning (the parade begins at 10am) until after the 10pm fireworks. The kids dress up in red and white and jump and dance at the roadside while the parade passes by. The parade is a small local one. Boy Scouts, a fire truck, a pipe band, the veterans and some local political figures march pass in an hour long tribute. Not impressive from an adult perspective, but an awesome display according to the kids. This year, our friends' sons marched in the parade.

We were late getting up. Not me - I am an early bird by nature - but the remaining members of the family were still asleep at 9am. J awoke at 9:15. Choking, wheezing and gaspiing for breath. She tried her puffer to no avail. Woke up the kids, threw them in the car and we were off to the hospital. We were fast-tracked through to a bed where J had a ventolin mask. The kids did not want to miss the parade, so I drove them to the friend's place, threw them out of the car - no sun screen, no hats, no breakfast yet. She too care of it. Back to the hospital.

3 ventolin treatments later, J was finally able to breathe and we left with a handful of prescriptions, directions to call the allergist on Tuesday and a warning to stay away from the animals (!). Asthma. Late in life to develop it, but here we are. With 12 pets in the house, it looks like we are going to be forced to give some away. I have an awful feeling it is the cats. Both J and 6 are HUGE cat lovers! I am sure there are some difficult decisions ahead...

Asthma trigger? I had the ducts cleaned on Friday. Thought it would help with the allergies...oops no. Apparently it stirs up more stuff - at least initially. Geez!

The remainder of the day was good. I had a drink ( and I never drink). Slurring after half a vodka cooler of some sort. Confirmed I am a cheap drunk. Made the fireworks display interesting though...

Happy 4th of July to all US friends!

The last day of school

was yesterday. A difficult day for both girls...

6 is never good with change. This year, her beloved Grade 2 teacher retired so the loss was a great one. She woke up yesterday morning and announced that she did not want school to end! I know she will miss the teacher who managed to work miracles and undo alot of damage done by her Grade 1 teacher. She grew to be confident, happy and positive about school again. She has returned to her old information-absorbing self - reading book after book (5 novels last week, supplemented by hours of mulling over encyclopedias). She has requested that I buy some math workbooks so she can spend some time working on multiplication and division over the summer! Her placement for next year is with the teacher she really wanted to have, together with her 4 girlfriends from Gr 1 and 2. I anticipate next year will be another good one!

We skipped school on Monday morning. 6 had a very definite plan of what to give her teacher. Remember, this is a bit of an unusual child. She was determined to find a store that sells the new Barbara Cook CD. 6 saw Barbara Cook on the Tony Awards and was blown away by the 78 year old singer's performance! "Miss P would really like her singing", she said. And the idea became rooted in her mind - unshakeable - Well, Miss P really did like Barbara Cook and was amazed that a Grade 2 student would think of such a thing as a parting gift. Good choice 6!

4 had her last day in Kindergarten yesterday. It was also her last day with her daycare provider. She too had a hard time letting go, although she is thrilled about going into Grade 1, and we have arranged for her to go to the same caregiver's home for lunch 2 days a week in the Fall. She chose plants for her teacher, caregiver and the EA in her Kindergarten class. Three thank you cards were carefully thought out with interesting phonetically written messages included.

We were at the school until 6 pm. Neither child wanted to leave the property. 6 was playing with a few friends, then alone in a corner of the yard designing bug traps and habitats. Her teacher had given each child kisses at the end of the day, and 6 proudly wore the lipstick prints in the playground as well as to her soccer practice last night. (In fact, all 3 girls from 6's class showed up at soccer practice still sporting red lip marks on their faces!)

Last night we through out the diet rules and feasted on potato chips and ice cream. Today has been a lazy day. Camps start nest week...and on we go!

I really should be...

cleaning the house or something productive! Today is my first whole day off at home (at least during school hours) in 7 1/2 years! Plans of cleaning and organizing have not been met thus far - as I meander through the day lazily enjoying the quite and solitude. So much noise lately. The kids have been loud and argumentative - disagreeing with each other over insignificant 'offenses' like chewing too loudly, singing, or looking the wrong way. There has been alot of disruption with J being out of town, the approach of the end of the school year, parties, swim tests etc...still...I have been longing for a peaceful space for some time now - and I'm revelling in the day.

We have survived almost 6 weeks on the candida diet. It has done amazing things for 6. She is much more confident, making new friends, asking to wear dresses, and feeling much better about her body. The bloating she was experiencing has completely diminished. She has been feeling 'full' after eating - something I don't think she could identify before because she was so bloated for years. Poor kid must have always felt full! All this positive has occurred despite some pretty difficult situations of late.

Last week, 4 decided to share a piece of very personal information with some friends. She told them not to tell, but you know what happens with kids...It was like a bad version of the shampoo commercial where news spreads like wildfire. By the day's end, the entire school know that 6 wears pull-ups at night. I have never made a big deal of it. She'll get there when her body is ready. She has seen a urologist for bladder infections and there is no medical problem. Still, it is devastating to have your peers whispering and teasing about the issue. I can't remember being so angry with one of my kids before. I couldn't even think of a reasonable punishment! It ended up with 4 missing a birthday party and spending 3 days at home with no social interaction (good punishment for the social butterfly), and the noise at school died down the next day so 6 has managed through the mess. ARGH!

Swimming lessons have caused another conflict. 4 has spent the entire session bobbing helplessly in the water - batting her eyes at the teacher and hoping to be rescued from drowning. She hass modelled her bright pink bathing cap and matching swim siut at every lesson and managed to do as little actual swimming as possible. 6 on the other hand has applied her usual intense focus and attention to each lesson - swimming as many as 40 lengths in an hour and learing both the elementary back stroke and the breast stroke this term. Her teacher ahs commented on her talent and focus - once again we have been advised we have the makings of a successful competitive swimmer on our hands.

Last week was report card week. 4 passed her level 3 Red Cross. How?! When it was time for the test, she dove into the pool and swam 2 lengths each of front crawl and back crawl. I do not know how she learned this in 10 weeks of bobbing like a jellyfish! 6 did not pass hwer level 7. Still needs work on the whip kick. Fair enough, but it sure does not seem fair to have one work like a fiend to 'fail' and the other float her way to a badge. 6 is somewhat distraught, but will try again this week. I am sure she will pass her level 7 over the summer!

Start my new job in a week or so. We'll see what kind of self-discipline I have. Hope today is not any indication of how lazy I can really be!!!

OMG

I knew I was absent for a considerable duration, but can't believe how long! Thanks to all who commented.

I have been terribly self absorbed - caught up in the last few weeks of work. Strangely anxious about leaving the security of full-time employment - yet excited too.

J is out of twon again. Only 10 days this time, but it is my last week of work, the kids have a hectic schedule (how did this happen?) with soccer, swimming, karate, and all the end of year school activities.

Took 6 to a nutritioniist 3 weeks ago to try to address some of her digestive issues (and hoping some of the bloating she has would reduce - kids were tormenting her about being fat!). As a result, we are on our (almost) 4th week of a Candida diet. No sugar, no wheat, no dairy and no yeast. Very hard to manage while working like a fiend so many hours of the day. The results have been great. 6 is feeling much better. Her self-esteem has grown immensly - she has been choosing to wear skirts and co-ordinated clothing - even asked to have a ribbon in her ponytail! Her distended stomach has reduced and for the first time in her life she is able to feel when she is full. 4 has stopped sneezing non-stop...looks like she has a food alergy...we will have to figure it out as we go forward. Of course, I have lost 5 lbs. I am in the danger zone. If I drop under 100, I seem to get mental - thinking I should lose another 5 - then another 5 until I am sickly underweight. (Anorexia brain?) Been trying to up the caloric intake so I don't drop too much...

All is well - chaotic, but well. Great Bernadette Peters story will have to wait until I am off work and have some breathing space.

I have missed everyone's updates. Will have to check all the archives after my June 16th liberation day.

We're off

out of town this weekend - going to see Bernadette Peters! 6 syas she's her favourite performer. It is a crazy impulsive thing to do - dragging both kids on a 6 hour jaunt to see a Saturday night show - then back again Sundday.

I am sure it will be worth the trip,

Hope you all have a good weekend!

Medical leave

It has been one week since I was at work. Today began week 2 of my medical leave. I am off due to the problem I have had with my hand/wrist for the past 10 weeks - as well as the anxiety provoked by the toxic environment of my current workplace.

Week one was slow - not much you can do while resting your right hand. I spent 2 days working on a spreadsheet I had sent home to myself, then did little of anything save chauffeuring the kids to school and activities. The kids are thrilled with the novelty of having me at home - I am sure it will wear off soon.

J had to go back out of town for 4 days to deal with the house that has been left to her as part of the inherited estate. It seems someone with a key had presumed to let themself into the house and help themself to whatever they felt they were entitiled to! For security and insurance purposes, J had to drive the 6 hour trek to install a new lock. At least now her aged parents can feel a bit more at ease when they check on the house every 48 hours...

This week brings a new feeling. I want to get some things done around here. Winter clothing needs to be stored and last year's spring/summer clothing needs to be unpacked. I highly doubt that 6 will fit into anything she had last year. She is 4'4" and weighs 75 lbs! She and I can both wear a boy's size 12! Fortunately, we have different styles...

I want to spend some time in my garden. My house is in need of a major cleaning! I want some time to think, breathe and just exist without any pressing responsibilities!

Heard from my boss today. They have managed to hire someone to replace me in my old management job. For 3 months they tried to find someone. I was off for one week and miraculously a viable candidate emerged. Interesting don't you think? I wonder how they will respond to my resignation? I plan on giving a generous 6 weeks notice on my return to work next week. With luck, 6 weeks will fly by!