a call from the school

I could feel something brewing. 6 has been increasingly explosive at home. She has been trying for 2 months to change her reputation at school. This means walking away from situations where she gets angry and feels the need to respond by getting physically or verbally aggressive. I could tell she was spending so much time repressing her feelings at school, she was unable to hold it together at home.

Yesterday the principal called. Seems at recess, 6 was told she could not join in a game and responded by writing a hate letter to the boy who excluded her. (graphics included) This is an improvement - believe it or not! She did not lash out physically! However, needless to say the school personnel were not impressed. She was not suspended, but the note was sent home for me to deal with.

Left work early to pull her from school before 3:30. I wanted to have some time with her without the interference of her nosy younger sister. She was truly contrite and listed many different ways she could have handled the situation. Her biggest concern was that all the hard work she had done to turn her reputation around was undone by one action.

There are days when I just don't want to be reasonable! I understand how easy it would be for parents of challenging children to vioce their disappointment and anger in a way that would crush the child's spirit.

Yesterday though, I held it together. We talked about the feelings that were at the root of the problem, the impact her note had on the boy in question and how his feelings were hurt. The principles of Karate came into the discussion. We reviewed her student creeds and what they meant - how they could be applied in this situation. We talked about the need to ask an adult for help when you are having difficulty solving a problem and how asking for help does not mean you failed. Finallly, she wrote a letter of apology to both the boy she offended and a letter to the principal confirming that she was listening to his advise and understood it.

I did not cancel her playdate on Saturday. It just felt wrong to punish a child who has social difficulties by removing an opportunity to socialize in a one on one situation.

I wonder if I am doing the best for this girl. Maybe I am too soft and I need to follow Dr. Phil's commando parenting approach. Certainly my mother believes I talk to much. Her solution? Spank her. Can't bring myself to do it.

So this morning she is off to school - today is a new day. Back to the reputation changing effort. Make your outside match your inside. You are a great kid - let people see the kindness and caring.

And I am holding my breath - hoping all will be well today.