interestingly...

The grass is always greener under the skating rink.

swimming

The kids were begging to go back to swimming lessons again, so I gave in and signed them up a few weeks ago. Yesterday was their first class. Aside from a few trips to the wave pool, we haven't been swimming since last August - I mentioned this when I signed them up. Tthere is a new level system for Red Cross swimming since last summer, so I was careful to emphasize that the levels I knew they were at was using the old system.

This is a great swim school. The pool is warm, without being hot, and the set up is designed to allow all levels of swimmers comfort in the water. On one side is a 5' wide section of stairs that allow easy entry into the water. It is usually used for the younger kids who can move into deeper water 8" at a time as their confidence and skill increase. Next to the stairs is a very wide section with 3' deep water at one end - moving to deep water at the other. There are 2 lanes on the far side for the more advanced swimmers.

It came as no surprise that 6 was in the far lane in the most advanced class in the time slot. She is a great swimmer - strong and determined - she was assessed at the new level 7. She's thrilled because she assumed she would drop 2 levels in the new system!

However...4 was swimming in lane 2. The water in the shallow end comes up to her chin! I freaked - assuming they had her in the wrong level. The two other kids in her class are 7. They began swimming lengths with flutterboards. After about 20 minutes of continuous swimming, the head instructor begins to assess the kids one at a time. Swim to the deep end, leave the flutter board on the pool edge and swim 1 full length front crawl with breathing. There is no way my kid can do that. I hope they notice her drowning!!! The 2 bigger kids struggled through one length. 4's turn. She turns to the window and waves - grinning ear to ear, then pushes off the side and (with a style guaranteed to attract sharks) kicks, sputters and gasps her way to the other end of the pool.

She remained in the same class. They are impressed with her stamina. Her technique needs work. She thinks she's a star!

So now, I get to hold my breath and cross my fingers on the edge of a chair 1 hour a week for the next 13 weeks...

Home

She's back, and our lives are going to be changed in a major way.

Three weeks of single parenting have certainly increased my admiration for those ofyou who manage on your own! For the most part, the kids have been terrific. We have all pitched in to wok together. New routines have been established and there has been more consistency. The trick now is to maintain it! There is a different dynamic in the house when there are 2 parents to play off each other.!

I have filled J in with the details of new routines and she is being careful to try and maintain the recent status quo. On the other hand, big changes are on the way!

J's godmother passed away March 16th. J did everything to ensure that her godmother's wishes were fulfilled, and her last days here were as cmfortable as possible. It was an exhausting few weeks, but she is proud of her ability to honour her word to her godmother. And she should be proud.

As it turns out, she has inherited the entire estate - a substantial amount that allows for some major changes in our lives!

Last week, I was speaking with a woman I have known for almost 20 years and mentioned that I had recently taken a demotion, and that my ideall was to work from home part time. Her eyes light up and she offered me a job on the spot. Part time, work from home, beginning in July. The pay is about one third of what I make now, but we should be able to swing it in light of the recent inheritance. J and the kids are thrilled about the opportunity. I accepted the job.

Complication. My current boss has been wonderful and supportive of my situation, so I feel somewhat guilty about making the change. On Friday, he offered me another job in the company. It seems there is an opening in my o9ld group and they want me to fill the new position there! I declined, saying that I would like to remain where I am for the stability factor. I am hoping that eventually I will be able to tell him that due to our new financial situation, I will be able to take a job that meets the needs of my family better - one that the current company cannot match. I hope for a smooth transition.

All in all, there is a huge, glowing bright light at the end of the tunnel - something you all said was in the works...

Thank you to everyone who has offered kind words and support in the past few weeks. It has been uplifting to see comments here despite my recent absense from everyone elses blogs. I will catch up all your news later today.

Finally something positive!

more

Talked to J last night. New situation has arrisen. Adoptive mom was hospitalized over the weekend with blood-pressure out of control. They think she may have had a stroke. There is no more that can happen there. Every single member of the prior generation is now sick or palliative. Fortunately (can this be?) all are located within an hour of each other so she can tour the sick ward while out of town. Looks like she will be gone for another month...

Closer to home, the kids and I met my sister yesterday to adopt a cat for Grandma. She has really been suffering the lack of a pet. Since Grandpa's illness, he has been unable to drive, so they are stuck out on the farm with little company and no way to get out of the house. G'ma had wanted to come with us to choose a cat, but wasn't feeling too well yesterday. Ok, so that is an understatement. G'ma is suffering from terrible anxiety. She was shaking and unable to focus when we arrived. I made her a cup of de-caf tea and gave her one of her anxiety pills (something she hadn't thought to do on her own...). Within an hour she was calmer.

Kids wanted to stay for dinner, but we left so they could rest.

All seems ok today. Kids are a friend's daily for the March break. Sent them off this morning with 2 suitcases of dress-up clothes!

My job change was announced this morning. Folks around here are stunned. No details provided, so I guess they are trying to grasp why...

Long story long

I have finally gotten my demotion. It was initiated on Monday this week when I had a discussion with my bosss around what's happening on a personal level at this time. I never discuss my personal life at work, but with all that has happened in the past few weeks, it was necessary for the truth to come out.

Most people at work ( an I'm sure most who visit this blog) assume I am a single mom. To be honest, it sure feels that way alot! I am the primary caretaker for the kids, as well as the main breadwinner in this family. However, my co-parent in this venture is my partner of 21 years.

Last week, she received a call from the agency who look after her godmother. 'M' is sick. She has been taken to hospital. Swollen legs, difficulty swallowing - some choking - maybe it's kidneys. My immediate thought is congestive heart failure. Unfortunately I am correct. 'M' lives 6 hours away in another city. She is palliative and needs her only living kin to make the trek to handle the care. My partner, 'J' hates sickness and has a huge fear of death. It is now her resomsibility to bring a dying woman home. Her godmother was a huge influence in her life. Constant, unconditional caring. Now she's dying.

While out of town, 'J' learned that her birthmom's cancerous brain tumour has become active again and is now occupying half of her brain. An aggressive tumour. Another palliative case - also out of town. Time is short for her too. Birthmom has not been in teh picture too long. It's been about 5 years since they first met. The whole birth story has yet to be told - and now the truth is locked forever inside a brain overcome with malignancy. The loss is huge.

On a hospital break, 'J' visited here adoptive parents. Dad has an aneurism. Could go any time. It will be sudden, and fatal.

Here on teh home front, I have been trying to keep my kids on an even keel. Develop a new schedule that will give them some security amidst chaos and change. They have to go to daycare before and after school (so I can manage a full day at work). They understand why Mama is away so there are many questions about death. 6 understands. The scientist sees it iin a straight forward manner. 4 is anxious and fearful. She is clingy, whiney and stuck on the question "Which would you choose - box or fire?" (The answer better be box - fire scares her!)

My kids are a challenge at the best of times. Change unsettles and lousy behaviour surfaces more frequently. My backup is gone. My mom is unavailable as she is still looking after my grandparents (Grandpa has PHN and pain management is an issue, and Grandma is a sobbing mess as her dog had to be put down 10 days ago).

On top of all of this, the company I work for has been bought out. The new owner is in and making changes. My one great analyst requested a transfer, the new analyst brought in to supplement my staff lasted 1 1/2 days before her went for lunch and never came back. I am short 2 associates below the analyst level, and had an additional $20M business added to my plate last November, with no one to support it - no one with system access, no one with process knowledge, and no one dedicated to supporting it.

6 has been referred to a pediatrician who specializes in behavioural/learning disabilities for assessment. Daily teacher reports on behaviour are becoming discouraging, so I took her to our GP who gave the referral. As urgent as it feels to me, the appointment is not until September!

Enough is enough. I am keeping all the balls in the air - but barely. The demotion is necessary. My boss finally understands.

One day at a time. One foot in front of the other...

chaos rains

update at a later date.

too much to detail